Chapter 5

HEALING THE PAST

"..Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul .... Leave thy low-vaulted past!"
Oliver Wendell Holmes.

Autocrat of the Breakfast Table.

The Adventure Years were over. By 1978, it was time to remake my life. I was living in a group house, driving thousands of miles to buy and sell antiques, commuting to and from Providence, managing the hypnosis center, writing a book, and ending a relationship.
It was too much, and I had to slow down. I tried to do it gradually, taking a townhouse in Providence in 1977 to ease the strain of commuting. But it became apparent I needed a complete break. At a time when most people are feathering their nests, I cleared mine out completely. In the course of a few months, I sold the house, the antiques, and the center, and finished the sales effort for the book.

Patricia and I parted amicably, and in April of 1978 I went away for two months. I flew to England, took a bus to Greece, traveled overland by bus via Baluchistan (a region in South Asia near the borders of Pakistan, Iran, and Afghanistan) to New Delhi, and then flew home. When I returned, Patricia and I parted for good.
"Go south," my meditation told me. What did I know of "south?" Only the Edgar Cayce Foundation. So, packing all my belongings in my car, I headed again for Virginia Beach. There, I stayed with friends and attended lectures and did research on the Cayce transcripts in the library. I went to the meditation room and prayed for direction. I cried there also. My meditations said, "Henry, you are always going so fast that nothing good can ever catch up with you," so I decided I would plant myself at the beach until something good came and tried to prepare myself for a new love relationship, hoping to be worthy.

One evening in summer a young woman came and sat beside me at a lecture. I saw her again the next day and for a few days after that. She left, then returned. Her name is Ann; we have been together now for eight years, marrying in 1981. With her two children, we lived in Virginia Beach the fall, winter, and spring of 1978-79. There, at the ARE, I met Geraldine, who was employed in the library. She recognized me from my picture on the jacket of the book I had done with George Parker, and we fell into conversation. At her request, I agreed to work with her on a past life regression. That was the start of a busy period. My regression work started slowly, one a night a few nights a week. Then every night. Then also weekends. People brought their friends and their friends' friends. So many people wanted regression work! I also started work on a book on how to make your own self-help cassette tapes.

It was to occupy me - what with writing and rewriting and testing and evaluating - for the next five years (Bolduc, Henry. Self-Hypnosis: Creating Your Own Destiny. Virginia Beach, VA: ARE Press, 1985). This was not what I had planned for retirement! A move to Dallas was afoot - Ann had to tie up loose ends of her life there. I resolved that there I would again simplify my life; I would give classes in self hypnosis, but I would not take on more regression work; it snowballed too fast. That resolution didn't last long, of course; for all my complaining, I love the work. In retrospect, I'm not sorry I worked so hard. For this period, between 1979 and about 1983, turned out to be the period in which I firmly consolidated the skills and knowledge I had been building.
To get back to Geraldine. Often people say, "Oh, gee, past lives are so interesting; I just want to go have a regression! I can't wait! This is going to be so much fun!" But not all regressions are fun and exciting. Most are simple memories of normal life experiences. Or they find they are poorly prepared for some memories and revelations. That was not the case with Geraldine, however. She was interested in regression work and serious and knowledgeable about it, and she thought past life exploration might help solve a present-day problem. She was experiencing bad headaches and recurring nightmares.
She says: "From the time I was quite young, I had a recurring nightmare. It was always the same. I was riding a big brown horse, sitting sidesaddle. I wore a pale pink, almost lavendar, hoop skirted dress. I was tearing down the road and my long black hair had come unbound and was flying out behind me. The Spanish moss hanging in a long line of gigantic oak trees was hitting me in the face. "I could see the lights far ahead shining in the window of a large plantation house. It was almost dark. I had this terrible sense of something wrong. This nightmare had also presented itself to her conscious mind more than once in daylight, while she was driving a car, especially if she was heading south. She says, "I was 'there.' I was real. For a few minutes I was 'gone,' so to speak."
It was clearly a hazardous situation. Her husband and children were aware of her blackouts and used to them. Nevertheless, she felt she was causing a problem, and not knowing the cause was the worst thing. "You think you're going bonkers," she says. Yet somehow she knew "It was on my soul and my soul remembered." I agreed to work with Geraldine, in the hope that a past life regression might shed light on the source of her headaches and nightmares. We hoped for a therapeutic result - that is, that if her trouble had its roots in a past life, recall and acceptance would relieve her pain, or at the least help her to understand it. Here is what happened.

GERALDINE March 27, 1979 Virginia Beach, Virginia

"....and now look around you and you will be able to tell what you see, what you sense, and what you feel. It will be very easy for you to speak. Your mouth will be pleasantly moist - always remaining at this same level of awareness at one with yourself, at one with the creative forces and at one with your own higher intelligence. Take your time now. Take all the time you want and tell me what you are feeling, what you are sensing, what you are seeing and experiencing.
A party. And the ladies have on hoop skirts, big wide skirts, and their hair is parted in the middle and fastened back with flowers and ribbons. The men have on long swallowtail coats and oh, they`re so polite and nice. And they're hovering around the girls like bees. We're eating off of little plates that you hold in your hand like a dainty napkin. It's out on the lawn ... sitting on the grass. And our skirts are all around us, like flowers. It's a beautiful day. Everyone's so happy.
Look around you. Tell me who you see. Tell me the people you see. Is there anybody special? Yes. There's one tall man with red hair. He's staring ... must be at me 'cause I have that long black hair. And he's bending over me asking me if I'd like to have a cool drink. I say, "Yes, I'd like some lemonade," and he goes to get it. I turn around and watch him and think how graceful he looks. He's so tall.
And then what happens?
He brings me back the drink and he sits down beside me on the grass and we talk. And he tells me he'll soon be going back to ... up north. And I tell him I hope he doesn't stay very long. I hope he comes back. And he says, "Oh, I will. And then he laughs.
Where will he be going up north?
Syracuse.
What will he be doing?
I think he's a banker.
Go now to the next important event. What is the next most important event now in this life? What happens next? Take your time. [Geraldine's expression becomes very sad.] Tell me what it is. You will be detached from it. Just tell me what's happening.
Well, I'm on a horse and I'm riding down the road - something terrible!
Detach yourself from it and just tell me very calmly, very relaxed, very collected. Now what's happening?
I'm going toward the porch ... and I'm riding on this big brown horse, sidesaddle. And I get to the porch and they tell me he's gone. And all the slaves are crying and I'm crying, and I say, "Oh, God, I'm too late." I know I'm too late, but I kneel down beside him and I say, "Love, don't go, don't go." But he don't come back.
And then what happened?
And then they put him in the box and I've got on a long black dress and a black thing on my head and they put flowers on him. They take him out and bury him under the magnolias. Okay. Give him your blessings, send him your love and just let the memory fade now. Go forward and tell me the next major event. Let that memory go now. Geraldine vividly recalled this important event very emotionally for there was such stress involved with this porch scene she had dreamed so many times. Her mind was still blocking out the sequence of events and exactly what was happening. She was very tearful in this situation so I did not press for more information in this first session. I did want to spend a little more time viewing this particular life, so I asked her to go forward in time to the next major event. And continue forward. What is the next major event now in your life?
Well, the war is over. And I'm all alone. And the big house is empty because all the slaves are gone - there's just a couple of faithful ones that stayed.
Continue forward - to the time of your death. What is happening? What do you see around you?
I'm lying in my fourposter and my hair is white and they've put a little cap on my hair. And my Mammy's still with me. She didn't go with the rest of them. She stayed with me. And she says, "Now, don't you fret, love," and she puts cold cloths on my head 'cause my head's so hot and she says I've got the fever. And I don't mind dying 'cause I know I'll go out there under the magnolias where he is.
How old were you when you died?
Oh, I think I'm about 68.
And where is the town where you are living? What is the name of the place?
It's near New Orleans.
And do they put you out under the magnolias where he is?
Yes.
Do they put a stone to mark your grave?
Yes. What does the stone say? Read to me what is on the stone. You're just observing now. It says, "Devoted wife and faithful friend, Sarah." Just Sarah.
Is his stone there also?
John.
Does it say any more? No.
Is there a date? Eighteen forty-six for John.
What is happening now? What are you doing now?
Everything is sort of misty.
Okay. Very good. Thank you."

Geraldine experienced a great emotional release after reviewing this life and allowed her tears to flow. Suggestions were given at the end of this first session that she would gain a better perspective and understanding of the life. Suggestions were also given to prepare for the next session.

....And look back at those people, at all the people there, and bless them and send them your love. And as you send love into their eyes and into their hearts, they begin to fade. Let them fade now, sending them your blessings. As they fade, slowly start returning to the present. You will retain in your conscious mind only that which is important and beneficial for you to retain at this time. The other memories, let them go now. You will be detached from the pain and sadness for that is past. You are back in the present, where you have so much to be joyful for, so much to be thankful for. You have learned a great deal, you have gained a lot of perspective and understanding of yourself and of your world. You are one with creative forces, one with your higher self, the god-self, that stands above you and guides you and directs you. You are better understanding the purpose of this life. And this understanding is helping you now. It is guiding you and assisting you. And for that you give thanks. Ask yourself now what it is that you may do that will help you in this present life to learn and grow and what steps you can take that will guide you into your next life. Answer the question only within yourself, planting the seed that it may grow. Let the white light surround you and protect you and encompass your heart and soul - and bless you. You are now in the present and in a little while, when you awake, you will feel very good. You will feel better than before. You will be wide awake, refreshed and happy. I will count from one to five and at the count of five, you can open your eyes, be wide awake, and feeling fine - feeling better than before. I will count now: one ... two ... coming up slowly, releasing the burdens of the past ... coming up slowly ... three ... four ... and five. Open your eyes. Now just stay right there - don't jump up...

That was amazing. Geraldine said, "I've been crying." I said, "I know, but that's very normal and very common - physically a good releasing. It's good emotion and there's things - sometimes buried within us - that need to be released and tears are a great blessing. Tears purify the soul and cleanse you." (Tears can be a vital part of the unlocking of the storehouses of the soul.) I scheduled the second session for Geraldine approximately a month later. She had ample time at a subconscious level to prepare herself for this next session. Again I began the session by looking for pleasant, happy experiences. I did not wish to start directly with an emotional or difficult situation. This second session began, as did every session, with entering alpha and present life regression. This excerpt picks up after that point.

GERALDINE April 17, 1979 Virginia Beach, Virginia

When you are ready, begin telling me what is happening.
I'm about eight years old and they are brushing my hair in curls all around. And my hair is black and shiny like always. And they're taking their fingers and rolling my hair in curls around the fingers and making them fall around my head. Putting on my long pantaloons and my chemise shirt and my petticoats and a blue silk dress with ruffles and a bow in the back. And Papa brings me in a little gold locket and puts it around my neck and says, "That's for my girl." I'm going to a party. And I take Mother's hand and she takes me out to the carriage. Then Papa puts me in and says, "Now you all be careful, 'cause that's my girl." And Mammy's with me.
And the coachman?
Caleb is the coachman and they've got two horses hitched up to the carriage. And he cracks the whip and off we go.
And now what happens? Take your time. Go very slowly. Relate to me what is happening now.
I'm going down the road ... going down to the house ... quite a piece. And the house is big and it's got wisteria hanging over the porch. The children are all out in the yard, picking up acorns and chasing each other. They stop the carriage and I get out and the minute I get out, somebody starts chasing me. The boys are being real mean. One of them untied my sash. It's Mary's party. And her Momma calls us into the dining room and there's a long table with candles. They've got a great big cake. And they tell her to blow out the candles and she has to take two or three puffs on it. It's only about seven candles, but she can't blow 'em out. And anyway, they cut the cake and her Momma says, "Now be careful, 'cause we baked prizes in the cake." I've got a little ring in mine. I put it on my finger and it just goes about half way up my little finger 'cause it's so little. But I think it's real cute. She gets a lot of presents. We all just sit around and watch her open up the presents. And then her mother takes us out back on the lawn again 'cause there's so many - it's pretty overwhelming in the house. And we play blind man's bluff and hide and go seek 'til about four in the afternoon. And then Caleb comes back after me. We go home. Had a good time.

That's very good. Thank you. As the regression proceeds and as the episodes unfold, the story takes form and texture. Her life becomes more vivid as experiences are related. I ask Geraldine for the next event of major importance.
Okay. Now go to when you were a little older, to the next event of major importance, and you will find out that the more you tell me about it, the more clear this life becomes, the more vivid, the more easily you can relive these experiences. Take your time now and you will understand - you will learn and grow through this experience. Now, when you are ready, just begin telling me what is happening.
It's a garden party and they've strung Japanese lanterns all through the trees with candles in them. They look like fireflies - beautiful. And they have two or three people playing guitars. They have a violin and they have a flat floor we can dance on. Have tables set around under the trees.
How old are you, about?
About 17. And my hair - I've got it back - it's long and I've got it sort of swirled on the back of my neck and have a big magnolia pinned right where it goes together in back. And I've got on a white dress. And I have a fan I hold up before my face.
Now what do your friends call you? What is your name?
Sarah.
Do they always call you Sarah, or do you have a nickname? Is there a special name that somebody called you?
Just Sarah. [Expression of sadness.]
And why are you sad, Sarah? This is a party. Is there anything that is making you sad?
I'm watching for someone. He hasn't come yet. Somebody's always asking me to dance and I'm dancing but I keep watching.
What are you watching for? Can you tell me?
I'm watching for John.
Does he come?
He hasn't come yet and I wonder what in the world's a-keeping him.
Let's just wait and see if he comes.
Well, I keep dancing and I don't want anybody to know I'm a- looking for him 'cause they'd be sure and tell him. I think I hear him. Yes, it's his horse and he comes up to me and I say, "What in the world! Where have you been?" And he says he.... [Here Sarah stopped talking and appeared to be listening to an inner voice.]
What did he have to do? Listen carefully and you can hear him say it. What does he say? Something about his horse. He started to ride one horse and the shoe was loose on the foot and he couldn't take that one; he had to take his Dad's. And his Dad's horse is so mean that you have to watch the thang; he's gonna throw you if he's gonna carry you. But he got there in one piece anyhow. He's a good dancer. And they play a waltz. I like that. So I tell him, "It's all right, but next time, better start a little early."
And what is happening now? Everybody's going home and the servants are picking up all the debris on the lawn. And John and I are out back in the grove where there's a swing. And he swings me real high and it must be getting late 'cause Momma comes out and calls me and says, "Sarah, you better come in; it's getting late." So he walks me up to the door and she stands there on the porch 'til I close the door. I think she's afraid he'll try and kiss me good night. But he goes on home.
Okay. Very good. Now continue to the next major event. The next event of importance to you. Take your time. It will be very easy for you to speak and relate what is happening. Feel the emotions and the experience and when you are ready, just begin telling me what is happening.
I'm in my bedroom and I'm putting on my dress - and a long white veil on my head. It's my wedding day. And Momma's fussing around fixing my hair. And she says, "You're not gonna be my baby any longer." And I say, "Yes, Momma, I'll always be your baby." And she says, "Well, at least you're not going far away," 'cause John don't live very far away. I'm kinda worried 'cause seems like a big step we're taking. But I guess it'll be all right 'cause I've known him for a long time. And Daddy comes and says, "It's time to go downstairs." I can hear the music playing. Someone's playing the piano. I walk down the stairs and I have to be real careful 'cause I have a long train and Momma takes it up over her arms so I won't fall. And a lot of people are in the parlor - all my friends and all our relations - never knew I had so many relations. They all show up for weddings and funerals. John comes in and I know everything's gonna be all right.
And what is happening now? What are you doing now?
We're on the lawn and they have tables spread out on the lawn and we're standing in a line and everybody's coming along kissing us and they say they hope we'll be happy. And everybody goes to the table and they have all kinds of refreshments. Then Mammy comes and gets me and I go up to my room and put on my traveling costume; I've got a green velvet dress and a little green hat.
And now what's happening?
I get in the coach and - I'm trying to think where we're going.
It will come; just relax. It will come to you. Ask John and he will tell you. What does he say? He says Savannah, 'cause he's got some relatives up there and we're going to visit. We're going to his aunt and uncle's in Savannah.
How is the trip?
Pretty rough. The roads are awful rough. We sit real close together and when the coach bounces, we laugh. 'Cause some of the bridges are nothing but logs stretched over; have to be real careful that the wheels don't go off.
Okay. Continue.
But it's fun really, 'cause it's the first time we've been away from everybody really. Feels sorta funny not to have all the people around. Okay. Very good.
Now continue back - continue on to the next event of major importance. Take your time; go very slowly. You understand and you know and you learn and grow from this experience. Now tell me what is happening. What are you doing?
Well, I'm in the house. Sorta nice to have your own house. It's big. Oh, I don't really have to do very much; just sew and always have a lot of company. Someone's always coming to visit 'cause I've got a lot of relatives and he has too. There's always someone visiting, to talk to. And I like to sew and embroider, so we spend a lot of time sewing. And we have musicals in the evening and play the piano and sing and say poetry. And the days just drift along.
How old are you?
Twenty-four. I'm about 24.
And what does your husband do for work? What's his work; what is his profession? Well, mainly he just oversees everything. He's got an overseer but he rides out every morning and inspects everything.
And what year is this? Do you know the year? It will come to you; just relax. Listen and you will hear it. What is the year?
It's about 1834, I think.
And what is the town or area where you are living? Is there a name for this town or this part of the country?
It's on the Mississippi, but it's not really a town. We have a plantation out in the country. It's not really a town - it just - everybody's got a big plantation with a lot of farming land around. Does the plantation have a name? What's it called?
Something Oaks - it's got this big line of oaks going up to the door. Oak Alley - that's the name of the way you get into it.
Very good. Thank you. Now, are you in a territory or in a state?
Louisiana.
Thank you. Very good. Because Geraldine was responding so well, this seemed a good time to continue with more serious work. As you will see, she was guided to that critical time that had always been a block. In this session she was able to relate the experience and understand it. She was thereby released from the emotions, guilt and self blame, linked to this memory. Geraldine's story continued with the pain from her past. She reexperienced the pain stored in her soul's memory and is about to break through and go beyond the pain. She is now ready to crack the shell and get to the heart of the experience. Now just relax. Feel yourself moving ahead. Listen carefully because this is very important. Moving ahead now to just before the time when your husband passes away - to just a few days before the time that your husband dies. Remain detached and stand above yourself, looking down at the events, the scenes, and the people. Just look upon it without reliving, without feeling, without sensing, but just knowing. Uninvolved, detached, just looking. Now, I'd like you to tell me what is happening. Just looking down and seeing the events - what is happening now? Tell me what is happening.
It's not good. John's not feeling a bit good. And he looks real sick and I keep asking him what's the matter with him. He keeps saying he's all right, but he doesn't look good.
Has he been to a doctor? Has he seen a doctor?
No, he won't go. He says he don't have any faith in that doctor - he's a quack anyhow. But I wish he'd go see someone.
Where is his pain? Does he talk about it? Where does he have discomfort?
He won't talk about it, but I think it's in his chest.
And what do you do? Well, I fuss around him. He gets mad at me 'cause I keep asking him to sit down, and take it easy and lie down. He keeps telling me not to fuss. But I'm worried and Mammy's worried too. She says, "There's something wrong with that man but you can't get him to stop going." He just gets on that horse every morning and goes out to those fields. He won't quit.
This is very important. Again, be very detached, and just look upon this event as if you were standing above yourself, looking down at the scene. Now go to the time of his death when you first hear or when you first sense his death. This will not disturb you. You are standing above yourself now. Relate this as if it is happening without the feeling, without the sadness, and without the emotion. Just relate the events, that you may grow, that you may learn through this experience. Now tell me everything that is happening. Tell me your thoughts, your feelings, and the events. Tell me what is happening. For as you tell me, you free yourself from this burden. What are you doing? What is going on? What is happening?
It's morning and I get up and John looks so pale and I say, "How are you feeling?" and he says, "Oh, tolerable." And he says, "What are you gonna do today?" And I say, "Well, I have to ride over to Mary's and return that piece of embroidery she left over here the other day." I don't know whether to leave him or not 'cause he looks so puny but he says, "Oh, go on and stop fussing." So I have 'em saddle the horse and I ride over to Mary's house. When I get there, her brother's a-visiting. We get to talking, having a good time, and I look out and say, "My Lord, it's almost dark! And I better be getting home. John will be worried."
And then what happened? What are your feelings and your thoughts? What is happening? I'm riding down the road. Tell me about - tell me what is happening. And I see Jacob riding up the road on a mule. Oh, he's just a- tearing. I say, "What in the world is the matter, Jacob?" He says, "Oh, Miss Sarah, something awful's done happened." [Geraldine's face contorts, her body shakes with intense emotion, and tears flow freely.]
Detach - just the facts. And what do you say?
"My God, Jacob, what is it?" He says, "I cain't tell it," and I say, "Well, tell me, man, what is it?" He says, "Master done shot himself - he shot himself in the head." And I says, "Oh, God, Jacob, I can't stand it!" I fly down the road, run up on the porch - oh, no! He's lying on the couch and blood is all over his face. I said, "Oh, God, what in the world did you do a thing like that for?"
Detached, now - just standing above yourself, just looking. Maybe he was so sick and tired he just couldn't stand it any longer. I will never know why - why he did it.
Why did he do it? You will know now. You will know why. Because I am going to count from ten to one and you can go to your higher self that part of you that knows and understands all things - and ask why. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Now ask yourself and ask him and you will know why this had to be; nothing more and nothing less.
Oh, it hurts so much. It hurts so bad. I'll never know. Is it my fault or what?
What does he say to you? What does he tell you? Listen very carefully and you will hear him speak to you. What does he say?
It wasn't my fault really. It was just the pain; he couldn't stand the pain. He hurt so bad.
What are your thoughts?
Just sad - sad that it happened this way. He wasn't very old. We had a lot of good years ahead of us.
And now what do you do?
Everybody comes and tells me they're so sorry. They put him in the box. Oh, I guess that's the end of everything for me.
And then what?
Bury him out in the magnolia grove. And then everybody leaves and I'm all alone in that big old house. Just me and the servants. Momma comes and stays with me a few days. But she says I'll just have to face it and learn to live with it, 'cause she can't stay there forever 'cause she's got to take care of Papa. He's not well either. So she goes away and leaves me there by myself and I'll just have to learn to stand it.
Now listen very carefully, because this is very important. Before he died, look into his eyes that morning. Send love to his eyes and send your blessings and your forgiveness. Pour all the love you can into his eyes. And then, he fades. The more love you send him, the more he fades away. And you let this memory go now. You let it go. And he is gone now, and you bless him and you forgive him, for you understand him now. You understand the reasons and the whys. You release him, for this is not your fault. This happened - nothing more and nothing less. You let this memory go, sending love and happiness and compassion and understanding. Let him go now. The purpose of past life work is to understand, to learn, and to grow. I sometimes call it "healing the past."
I knew that Geraldine/Sarah had experienced healing from both sessions. Again she burst with fluent tears. She had no recall of the sessions so I did not offer her the tapes. However, there was one more step for her to take. Here is her story of the last experience.

"After a time I asked Henry if I could listen to the regression tapes. Every time I listened to them or tried to talk about it I was overcome with grief. I felt I had to face this experience and get over it. One of my friends heard the tapes and said she would take me to New Orleans and we would look for the house. Two other friends came with us. "All the way down it seemed like I was going home, the South looked so familiar. We went to the Oak Alley Plantation near Vacherie, LA. We went around the house with a tour group. When I got upstairs on the veranda, I turned and looked back down the road and I started to cry. I couldn't help myself. I ran around the corner and leaned my head on the side of the house and cried it out.  "A nice gentleman tapped me on the shoulder and said, `Is there anything I can do?' I said, `It's too late, too late, it's all over.' And I knew it was. I dried my eyes and rejoined my friends. "I asked the guide many questions about the plantation. I told her what I knew and she confirmed what I said. I knew where everything had been and what it had looked like in the 1800s. `When did they cut the Spanish moss out of the trees?' I asked. She answered, `About 12 years ago the moss reached the ground and the lady who owned the house at the time said it looked too gloomy and she had it all cut out.' `Are the graves still over in the magnolia grove back of the house?' I asked. `No,' she said, `that property was sold and the graves were moved over to the parish church yard.' "I felt like I had been to a funeral. It took me several days to get over it." Geraldine has since reported that she has not been bothered in any way with the recurrent nightmare. By keeping an open mind, her sessions and after- session experiences enabled her to understand and to free herself of the guilt and trauma associated with that life. There has been absolutely no recurrence of the nightmares. The memory is healed.